I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
