You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
