8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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