WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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