You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
