I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
