not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
