im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
