in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
