A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
