Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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