He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
