Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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