Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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