so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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