I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
