I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
