i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
