I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
