Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sober January is a disaster.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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