What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
