doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
