She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
