I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
