no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
