The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
