GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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