I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
