wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Randomize
