She is in my trunk
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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