and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
