He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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