he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
