Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
