Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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