Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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