Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
