A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
