You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
