So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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