so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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