Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
