I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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