I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
