These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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