I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
