The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
