You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
