I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
