I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize
